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Success Anorexia

 
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PostPosted: Dec Sun 17, 2006 1:00 pm    Post subject: Success Anorexia Reply with quote

Success Anorexia

Are You Starving Yourself of Success?
By Noah St. John, author of Permission To Succeed: Unlocking The Mystery of Success Anorexia http://www.PermissionToSucceed.com

On the morning of October 20, 1997, I got up, meditated, showered, shaved, and ate breakfast—a routine I had done hundreds of times before. What I didn't know was that by the end of the day, my life would be changed forever.

At around 7 o'clock that night, I went to a seminar to hear a speaker talk about why people develop eating disorders. Although I didn't have an eating disorder myself, I had known a lot of people who had suffered from them, and thought I might learn something. The speaker, one of the leading experts in the treatment of eating disorders, began describing the personality of someone who develops an eating disorder (i.e., anorexia or bulimia). She said that they were not doing it in order to lose weight or to look like a supermodel, but because of a deeply negative self-image that had become so dominant that the person was suffering from a "lack of self." The speaker also said that the type of person who develops anorexia is usually: highly intelligent, hypersensitive, creative, empathic, and intuitive; yet they also believe that nothing they do is ever good enough. Her research had also shown that eight times as many women develop eating disorders as men.

The Moment My Life Changed Forever
After I heard those statements, I said to myself, "Wow, her description of someone with an eating disorder sounds just like me . . . so how come I don't have an eating disorder?" I also asked myself, "And why do eight times as many women develop eating disorders as men?" I knew it couldn't be because only women developed a negative self-image or suffered from a "lack of self," because I certainly identified with that – Having suffered from cripplingly low self-esteem throughout my life (even though other people had labeled me as "gifted and talented"). At that moment, I asked myself, "Could there be a difference between where women have been told their worth lies, and where men have been told their worth lies, that would explain this discrepancy?" After I asked myself that question, I instantly realized that while women have traditionally been told that their worth lies in their physical bodies, men have been taught that their worth comes from their position in society or their level of success. (Neither one of these, of course, is where a woman's or man's true worth actually lies; it is just where we've been TOLD they come from.) "Doesn't it make sense, then," I asked myself, "that instead of starving myself of food (that is, taking out my negative self-belief on my physical body), I would starve myself of success (in other words, attacking that part of me I believed held my sense of worth, or my material body)?"
I sat there, stunned, because I realized that I had just discovered what actually causes "the fear of success" and what we normally call "self-sabotage"—a creative, intelligent, hypersensitive person's negative self-image overtaking their sense of self, causing them to literally starve themselves of success. I realized that I had just identified a condition that no-one had ever recognized before—and therefore didn't even have a name. I saw that the most accurate name for this condition would be success anorexia—because rather than not being smart or talented enough to achieve success, the person is literally starving themselves of success.


"How Do I Know If I'm Starving Myself Of Success?"
Here is a simple way to see if you may be suffering from success anorexia (starving yourself of success).

How many of the following descriptions can you identify with?
( I read lots of self-help books but can't seem to use them to improve my own life.
( I'm insecure about money or making a lot less than I should be making.
( I'm in a job that doesn't allow me to express my real talents or true abilities.
( I expect myself to be perfect all the time.
( I try to be all things to all people.
( I find it incredibly easy to start projects and very hard to finish them.
( I feel guilty saying "no" to others.
( I'm more comfortable watching others succeed than letting myself succeed.
( I usually feel like I'm not doing enough, even though I'm doing all I can.
( I often let others win, even when I could easily win.
( I have a very low opinion of myself, even though other people think I'm smart, funny, and capable.
( I usually settle for crumbs, even though I know I deserve better.
If you can identify with 6 or more of these warning signs, you may be at risk for success anorexia. (By the way, just as many women today suffer from success anorexia as men, because women today are told that their worth lies not just in their physical bodies, but also in their level of success.)

How To Stop Starving Yourself of Success

Step 1. Identify your Loving Mirrors.
A Loving Mirror is a person who can see you for who you really are, and can love and support you unconditionally. Many of us unconsciously believe that our true worth or value lies outside of us, either in our physical bodies or our level of success. But your true worth or value cannot be measured by either of these external standards. It is as if most of us grew up looking into a funhouse mirror to see what we looked like. When you look in a funhouse mirror, you do not see an accurate reflection of yourself. Many of us, however, believe that the distorted image we see—our deeply negative self-image – is who we really are.
To counteract this, we need the love and support of other people to validate that who we are is good enough. While this may sound "touchy-feely" to some, the fact remains that we all need the loving encouragement of someone like a coach, teacher, or mentor to become all we can be.

2. Become willing to succeed.
If you think it's wrong for you to succeed (or believe you're not even allowed to succeed), then no matter how many "how-to's" of success you know, you won't let yourself succeed. Therefore, do a Ben Franklin on yourself. Whenever he had a decision to make, Benjamin Franklin made a list weighing the pros and cons of the decision he was about to make. Write down the drawbacks and benefits to letting yourself succeed.
What could possibly be a drawback to letting yourself succeed? Well, for one thing, you may have to face your fear of the unfamiliar. Friends and family members may become jealous of you. What if people expect you to do and be more than you think you can? Once you get the drawbacks and benefits down on paper, you can begin to confront your fears and finally let yourself succeed.

3. Set Goal-Free Zones.
A Goal-Free Zone is simply a time and place where you don't DO anything. Why is this important? Because most of us are overwhelmed by our "to-do" lists every day. In addition, people who starve themselves of success are literally addicted to goalsetting. They feel incredibly guilt-tripped if they ever stop, even for a moment, to take time for themselves. I counsel my clients to set and keep Goal-Free Zones, because this is the only way we can learn that the world won't end if we take time just for ourselves. Astonishingly, this can be one of the hardest things for people to do, because of the overwhelming sense of guilt they feel when they take time to do something nice for themselves.

If you take five to ten minutes a day for these activities, you'll discover that not letting yourself succeed is not only not helping others, it is actually hurting those who care about you. Use these tools and this new awareness to let yourself succeed—because the world really wants and needs you to be the person you really are.
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