Nature's Sunshine Products NSP Forum Index Nature's Sunshine Products NSP
For customer and distributor discussions of Nature's Sunshine Products. Not an official site of NSP.
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Well-Meant Criticism

 
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Nature's Sunshine Products NSP Forum Index -> Business Building Archive
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
CombinedNSP
Site Admin


Joined: 13 Dec 2006
Posts: 1406
Location: Cleveland, OH

PostPosted: Dec Sun 17, 2006 12:47 pm    Post subject: Well-Meant Criticism Reply with quote

Well-Meant Criticism

THE SUPERSENSITIVE NEWS Promoting the gifts of the highly sensitive person
By Sue Pouppirt

Most people dislike criticism. This is especially true for SSPs. The desire to be perfect, the tendency to look for underlying meanings, the willingness to spend days trying to figure out what went wrong, and the deep longing for acceptance all make hearing criticism painful. Unfortunately, we probably can't make criticism go away. Is there some way to deal with it so that it is not a problem or, even better, can criticism ever be positive?

There is a wide spectrum of behavior that falls into the category called criticism. Unwanted or too much advice sounds and feels a lot like criticism. We tend to hear that this person does not have enough respect for us to realize that we can come up with our own answers and solve our own problems. It is insulting when it goes on for too long, or if we did not ask for help in the first place. When you feel that familiar impatience and notice your blood pressure rising, what if instead you STOP and ask, "What is this person's intention....really?" Yes, there is stuff like arrogance and egotism. But there may also be the DESIRE TO HELP. They may want to show you that THEY CARE about you. Perhaps, Not so dastardly after all.

Perhaps keeping this person's GOOD INTENTION in mind will be enough to diffuse any negative emotions you may have. If you can hear what they are saying with love and appreciation, there is no problem.

However, many of us go from A to Z on this. We smile sweetly, nod our head, act interested and play the nice guy for as long as we can. All the while, thinking, "One more word, and I'm going to blast this guy." In this case, the potential for an explosion is high. If it is an outer explosion, we will most likely be looking into the face of a very shocked and hurt person. They had no idea that they stepped over a line with us because we did not let them know until it was too late. One of my clients pointed out that even a skunk stamps its feet in warning before it sprays. That image will stay with me for a long time! If it's an inner explosion, the damage is to our own health and self-esteem. The gut-wrenching anxiety in the moment is compounded by the aftermath of guilt and remorse for mishandling the situation. Both are very damaging.

A very simple and diplomatic statement like: "Enough about me! What's up with you?" can work to deflect the situation. If that isn't clear enough, thank them for caring, congratulate them for their expertise, and explain that you have this situation well under control.

Sometimes criticism is a heart-felt suggestion for a needed improvement. If the person making the suggestion is sincerely trying to help, and the information they are sharing could teach you a better way, why do you cringe? Remember one of the identifiers of an SSP is that we are trying very hard to be perfect. Any hint that we are not, feels like a real slam. To make things much harder, we also are so vigilant that we already know when we have made a mistake. This external observation is being heaped on top of our inner frustration and self-flagellation, so it hurts even more.

Most people do not like hurting anyone else. When someone decides to suggest a better way, IT IS BECAUSE THEY VALUE YOU enough to place themselves in an uncomfortable spot to help you. They respect you enough to know you can learn and grow. Sometimes the most difficult criticism you hear could make a major difference in your life, if you are willing to listen. Let them know how hard it is for you to hear that you somehow fell short. You are a very conscientious person. Then allow yourself the freedom to change, if you decide that would be good for you. Ahhh. What a relief it is to let someone else be wise.

Sue is a personal and business coach specializing in Super Sensitive People from all walks of life. Coaching is a wonderful way to find support and understanding for your sensitivity, as well as encouragement and strategies for success, on your terms. Interested? Contact me at sue@sensi-tivepeople.com or visit my web site at: http://www.sensitivepeople.com. Find out how coaching might work for you. (View back issues on the web site.)

Comments, suggestions or ideas are always welcome at: sue@sensitivepeople.com.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
This forum is locked: you cannot post, reply to, or edit topics.   This topic is locked: you cannot edit posts or make replies.    Nature's Sunshine Products NSP Forum Index -> Business Building Archive All times are GMT - 6 Hours
Page 1 of 1

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2005 phpBB Group